THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
