I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize