I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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