I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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