Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
