i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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