Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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