My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize