you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
