If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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