You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
