So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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