I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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