Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
