It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
