I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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