you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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