Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
