so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
