This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
