I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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