Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
