im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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