i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
