I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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