I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
