no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
