Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
