I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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