What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
