just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
