Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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