Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
