lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
