i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
