i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
