Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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