cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
