I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
