I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
