she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
