her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
