chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
