I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
