idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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