Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
