How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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