you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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