I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
