Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
