Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
