Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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