Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
