All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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