I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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