i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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