five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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