He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
