Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
