I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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