none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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