also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
