he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
