I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
