Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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