I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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