my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize