Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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