not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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