I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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