I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
