"it" just moved
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
