Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
