i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
