Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize