Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
